Trials of a Leader
by Basia Lynn
Summary: At a young age, Leonardo takes steps towards his destiny.
1. prologue: Consequences

_I wrote this as a one-shot a while back, before A Fear of Snakes even, and I think it's finally ready to become part of something bigger. As one of my New Year's resolutions, I hope to finish it within 2006 (I know it's only New Year's Eve, but believe me...I need the head start). _

_Well I hope you enjoy! Happy New Year, everybody!_

* * *

Leonardo sat cross-legged on the floor beside his bed. The lights were off, and his door shut. A few candles were burning. Everything was quiet and masked in calming shadow, just like Master Splinter preferred when he meditated. Which was what eleven-year old Leonardo was trying to do. 

He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind, just like he was taught. He and his brothers had been learning how to meditate for a while now, but tonight the peace just wouldn't come. The loud report of a machine gun, the anguished screams...every time he closed his eyes, the sounds were waiting for him. His mind's eye saw a man fall, three spreading stains of red on his body, a son's face smothered in tears...Leonardo had witnessed a murder, and every scene of it was burned into his mind.

At the time, he had no chance to reflect upon what had happened; his body was already springing into action. He had vaulted over the garden wall and sent his shuriken flying with deadly accuracy. There had been only two thoughts running through his head at that moment: protect his master, and kill the enemy. He had done both.

_But what if he hadn't? _

The stray thought appeared suddenly and poisonously, like a drop of ink into clear water. _If he hadn't...there would have been two clans destroyed that night._

If he had been just a second too slow, if the shuriken hadn't left his hand at the right moments, things would've been different. The assassin would've taken out his quarry and turned his attention to the strange turtle and rat creatures that had tried to stop him. His master was quick, but the spirit transfer had left him disoriented, nothing like his usual self. He couldn't have escaped machine gun fire. Leonardo would be crying over his father's body, just like the Gosei boy, and Raphael and the others would have arrived to see their father and brother's bullet-torn bodies...there's no way they could take on a skilled assassin after seeing something like that. The fifth assassin would come, and without the boy's awakened skills, they would be outnumbered, and they would fall. Then they would all be lying in pools of their own blood, eyes wide and unseeing, their lives forever extinguished from the world...

Leonardo's concentration snapped like a reed. His eyes flew open, and for a second he couldn't breathe. He sat hunched over for a few minutes trying to catch his breath and banish the vivid scenes from his mind. Maybe this was why Sensei had been encouraging him to take up activities like Mikey's drawing or Don's reading...he had an over-active imagination.

Soon his breathing was back to normal, and he straightened. He examined his hands dejectedly. Master Splinter said that meditation could help when something was bothering you, that it could soothe inner turmoil and help you find your path. But thinking back to what his mind's eye had produced, he didn't want to try it again anytime soon. Maybe he just needed more practice. Or more candles.

With a sigh, he got to his feet and silently padded over to his chest of drawers, where his katana lay on top. He simply held it for a few seconds before unsheathing it and watching the candlelight play on the gleaming metal. It had been his for a while now. In the training room there was another just like it, and that one was also his. He wondered how long before sensei would allow him to carry both upon his back. He had been learning two-sword style for a few months, and he liked the feel of having both in his hands at once. He felt balanced.

Leo tightened his grip on the sword, and moved back to get in a few practice swings. He took a deep breath and started a kata.

Sensei had been training them in the art of ninjitsu ever since he could remember. Years ago, Splinter had explained to them what death was. He had also explained that the skills they were learning could bring death. He accepted this. But watching that man die, and himself and his family only threads away from the same fate, made him truly understand.

It all boiled down to consequences.

They were not normal. Thus, they lived in the shadows. As ninja, they learned to take lives. Thus, they had to protect their own. Fighting alongside death, every movement was crucial. Thus, he would train, so that every movement he made in battle would keep his loved ones that much farther from the enemy.

Several swift slashes and then one final lunge. He stayed frozen for a few seconds, focusing on the katana's glistening tip. His heart was still racing with the thrill of realization. He knew what he had to do.

He was Leonardo, the eldest. Thus, he would lead.

* * *

_To be continued!_

_Note: The murder Leonardo remembers is from "The Passing," a short tale that was in one of the old Mirage graphic novels. _


	2. chapter 1: Birthday

Hello hello! Well, it's funny how a story you hadn't planned to work on suddenly consumes your attention. o.o; This chapter would've been up a lot faster, but for some reason I was having trouble uploading documents. I also changed the summary for this story because I worked out all the details, and now I know exactly where this story is going. I hope no one gets confused. Okee, here we go!

**

* * *

_"It's choice, not chance, that determines your destiny." -- Jean Nidetch_**

Leonardo opened his eyes.

Today was the day. He had thought long and hard about it, and made his decision long ago. He had trained well for it. Not having any idea what would happen, all he had to go on was a gut feeling bordering on instinct. Having been trained all his life to rely on his instincts, he had realized it wasn't just a feeling he could ignore.

The fact that today fell in early spring was perfect, he felt like he had the season's blessing for an undertaking like this. No matter that he couldn't enjoy the sun's warmth down in the sewers; he felt energized all the same.

Exiting his room, he turned the corner and was met with a large banner that read 'Happy 12th Birthday Leonardo!' The words were written in blue marker, and the rest of the banner was covered in multicolor dots that looked like confetti. There were little smiling faces resembling his brothers and his father, each with a little message. He peered closer to make out what they said, but the banner shifted aside suddenly and revealed his youngest brother.

"Well if it isn't the birthday Turtle!" Mikey said cheerfully. "G'morning Leo!"

Leonardo smiled. "Thanks, Mikey." He rubbed at his eye and stretched one arm high into the air, looking around for his other family members. "Is everyone up already?"

"Yup. We wanted to let you sleep late, since it's your day and all." There was no morning training on birthdays, so Leo didn't feel quite so bad for sleeping in.

Mikey was struggling with the banner, trying to manuever around without damaging it. Leo reached over to help him, and together they managed to get it into the living room where Donatello and Raphael were watching television. Mikey scrambled on top of the couch between them to hang the banner up on the wall.

"Hey ya old fogey," Raph said with a grin.

"Happy Birthday Leo," Don greeted.

"Thanks Raph, I think. Thanks Don. Where's Master Splinter?" Usually Splinter was the first to greet the birthday boy, but his father was nowhere to be seen.

"He went topside real early this morning...he should be back anytime now." Raph answered. There was no worry in his voice. Satisfied, Leo perched himself on the armrest of the couch and watched a little of the show that was on. Something with multi-colored superheroes...somehow he could identify with that. But the little medallion things they used to transform? Did they really have to shout out the name every time?

"You know, Raph," Donatello started conversationally, "Considering our birthdays are only months apart, you're practically an old fogey too."

Mikey turned for a moment from his eternal struggle with the banner. "Yeah, too bad you're not in the prime of youth, like me!"

"Prime of youth my butt," Raph said. "You're just a baby." He folded his arms and looked very smug, knowing he was going to get the reaction he had been baiting for.

"No way! Donatello said we're practically the same age!" On birthdays that weren't his, Michelangelo always became very defensive of his age. Being the youngest, he hated being left out or behind in anything, even being born. But Leo figured, alternating between using their age to their advantage and being picked on for it was the birthright of the youngest in any family.

As the banter continued, Leo smiled to himself. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood today. While that was nice on one's birthday, it was even better for what he had planned.

"There!" Michelangelo exclaimed, pleased. Don and Raph turned their heads and Leo stood back to examine his little brother's handiwork. The banner was now hanging (a little crookedly) on display, secured by a looped string hung on a jagged brick protruding from the wall. No nails would penetrate the hard wall, so Mikey had improvised.

Now Leo could make out the little messages his family had written for him on this large birthday card of sorts. Next to the turtle smiley face with a purple bandana, Donatello had written, "Happy birthday Leo, we hope it's the best one yet!" While Mikey's said "Have a blast! Happy birthday bro!" and Raph's little face (complete with scowl) said "Enjoy your b-day!" Master Splinter had written, "May your future have many blessings in store."

_Hope so_, Leo thought. There was a noise from the entranceway, and Splinter himself was coming in from the outside world. He took two packages from underneath his cloak, and then hung the cloak on the coat rack. Seeing Leonardo, he smiled and said, "Happy birthday, my son."

"Thanks, sensei." Leonardo bent down a little and embraced his father, who seemed to grow shorter every year. If he was already this much taller at twelve, Leo wondered how far he'd have to bend down years from now.

"I will see you in my room after you've had breakfast?" Splinter asked.

Leo nodded. "Yes, sensei." This was a birthday ritual as well, one he enjoyed very much. After breakfast came a talk with Splinter. Usually they spoke of accomplishments of the past year, new responsiblities, new goals, and then they meditated a bit...but most importantly, it was quality time. It was nice to be together with his father, just the two of them, outside of training or lectures.

So a short while later, after he and his brothers had shared toast and cereal, Leo went obediently to Master Splinter's room. When he entered, Splinter was putting one of the packages away in a large wooden chest he kept by his bedroll. Leo was a little curious, but decided not to ask any questions that might make him seem too eager for presents.

Splinter saw him looking, however, and said as explanation, "Something that might be needed later."

They settled down comfortably on the floor, both in identical lotus positions.

"You have trained very hard this past year," Splinter began. "In fact, you have surpassed each of your brothers when it comes to your ninjitsu training."

Leo bowed his head at the gracious compliment. "Thank you sensei."

"May I ask, was there any particular reason why you have trained so hard?"

Leo almost flinched. _Talk about hitting the nail right on the head. _"No, sensei. I just wanted to do my best. This year will be no different." It was a good, safe answer that was pretty much the truth, anyway.

Splinter smiled. "You honor me with your determination, Leonardo."

They talked for a while more; mostly about new priveleges and expectations. Being a little older now, Leo could stay up an hour later, and was also going to be left in charge more. Splinter even spoke of leading a few training sessions by himself, and taking his brothers topside at night for exercise runs once in a while.

Splinter also had a few suggestions for him. "The eldest is also expected to keep a model example when it comes to..." -- Here he cleared his throat -- "...certain areas of behavior, especially concerning his younger brothers."

Leonardo knew he was talking about Raphael. The past year had been a little tough between him and his red-clad brother. He didn't want to say they were drifting apart, but he knew they weren't as close as they used to be. If you can call at least three arguments a day being 'close.' at all. He thought it was a result of growing into their own personalities, and if they just happened to have clashing ones, then so be it. Though no one got under his skin quite the way Raph could, they were still brothers. They'd deal with it.

"Younger siblings are also expected to respect their elders." Leo responded smartly.

"That is also very true, but...highly doubtful." Splinter chuckled, and Leo couldn't help but join him. He was a little relieved his father could still laugh about their altercations; he knew his butting heads with Raph could be a sore spot in the family, and he felt bad about losing his temper sometimes, but there was nothing to worry about as far as he knew. He hoped it never came to the point where worry was needed.

Talking and laughing like this with his father, Leo almost forgot what was to come later in the day. He grew quiet, thinking. Master Splinter seemed to sense the change.

"Now, shall we meditate?" he asked.

Leo smiled. "Yeah." Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and went through the mental relaxation exercises he had been taught. After making meditation a part of his every day routine, he had discovered that they became easier with time. Getting to that purely relaxed state wasn't so difficult anymore, though...the candles still helped.

He felt a tickling sensation on his arm; he brushed at it. He reached up to tighten the knot in his bandana. Re-situated himself. He began the whole process over again. Close your eyes, deep breath, relaxing thoughts, empty the mind...

And then he thought, _Now would actually be a good time. It's just me and Master Splinter. Maybe I should tell him now._

Leo frowned, forcibly pushing the thought away. He concentrated on his breathing, until he could feel his thoughts drifting, slipping into that blank, gauzy state that was so peaceful sometimes he didn't want to leave. He was dimly aware of Master Splinter's presence, in the way that one was dimly aware of breathing.

He was abruptly torn from his tranquil world by a tingling sensation in his right leg. He shifted, trying to ease the pressure on that leg. Giving up, he re-positioned his legs altogether and fixed his posture, took another deep breath, and tried again, confident in the saying 'third time's a charm.'

And then he thought, _No, I'll just stick to my original plan. I'll tell them all together._

Leo surpressed a sigh, feeling embarrassed and more than a little frustrated with himself. A whole year of practice, and what did he have to show for it? Here he was, fidgeting like this was his first attempt. He couldn't even calm his mind when he needed it the most.

"Is anything the matter, Leonardo?"

"I guess I just can't seem to concentrate right now," Leo admitted. _But not for the reason you think_, he added silently.

As expected, Splinter took that to mean he was too excited because of his birthday. "It is best to meet your birthdays with enthusiasm while you can, my son." He gave a wry smile. "After a certain amount of years, they seem to...lose their appeal."

"But master, you're not even that old."

"I'm afraid these joints tell a different story," Splinter sighed, shaking his head. "Kids."

Just then, Michelangelo's face appeared in the doorway. "Is it time for presents now? Is it?"

Leo looked at Master Splinter excitedly before he could stop himself. Okay, so he couldn't wait for presents either. It was his birthday after all.

"Yes," Splinter said, amusement in his voice. "I think it's about time for that." He and Leo got to their feet amidst Mikey's cries of "Present time! Whoo!" and joined Don and Raph in the den, where the presents had been gathered.

From Master Splinter he received one of the packages he had seen his father enter with earlier. It contained a set of brand new _saya_, sword sheaths. His old ones were a little beat up, being hand-me-downs, and he hadn't minded, but these were just perfect. "They're great, sensei, thank you!" he breathed happily.

His gift from Mikey was opened next, mostly because it was shoved into his face by Mikey himself who was chanting, "Open mine next!" It was a large, bound sketchbook, complete with a set of pencils, markers, and even pastels. Mikey was very much the budding artist, and it was obvious he had given Leo some of his favorite tools. The sketchbook however, was new, with a glistening black leather surface.

"Cool, thanks Mikey." His brother in orange beamed.

Raph leaned over and plucked one of the presents from the pile of crumpled wrapping paper, ribbons, and one other present. "Here ya go."

It was a brand new copy of a book Master Splinter had mentioned a while back. Raphael must have noticed the interest on Leo's face. He turned the book over in his hands, touching the cover a bit reverently, sincerely touched by his brother's thoughtfulness. Nodding his thanks, he suddenly realized how grateful he was that they hadn't argued today. It gave him even more hope that he wasn't making the wrong decision.

Raph nodded back, some sort of understanding in his eyes, as if acknowledging a silent truce.

From Don, Leo received more of a group gift. He opened the box to find four different vehicles, not unlike the mini, battery-powered cars he saw commercials for on TV. There was a clunky old van, two motorbikes, and a futuristic-looking spaceship.

"Wow," Leo, Raph, and Mike chorused.

"They're remote-controlled, see?" Don picked up the remote for the spaceship, flipped a switch and moved the joystick down, and the spaceship rose into the air. Its ascent was a little wobbly, but it definitely was off the ground. Don's ingenuity never ceased to amaze. "I've been tinkering around with the theory of antigravity...maybe later I can do something similar, on a much larger scale even." They all heard him, but couldn't stop staring open-mouthed at the little floating contraption. Even Splinter's eyes were wide.

Almost as if to himself, Donnie continued. "We can all play with these. And I thought...well I thought maybe you and Raph, whenever you guys feel like arguing, you can compete with these instead..." He looked down, embarrassed, probably having revealed more about his motivations than he had wanted to.

Raph didn't seem to notice though. He had picked up the red motorbike and was eyeing it appreciatively. "Let's take these babies out and see what else they can do!"

"Wait!" Mikey said, holding up the sketchbook. "I've got a better idea!"

The rest of the day passed enjoying his presents. At Mikey's suggestion, they played their own form of Pictionary with Leo's new sketchbook (even Splinter joined in). Then the four of them went out into the closest tunnels to race the remote control vehicles, only returning for lunch and then setting back out again. Quite a bit later, Leo eventually settled down on the couch with his new book, the activity of his other family members a noisy but comforting backdrop to his reading. Any other time Leo would retreat to his room to read, but today he felt that his place was here, with them.

Being who they were, Leonardo held no illusions about spending the day at the amusement park or at the movies with friends, or anything that normal twelve year olds would probably do on their birthdays. It was simply impossible, and he knew it. He didn't begrudge them their happiness, either; maybe he had when he was a lot younger, and on Mikey's birthdays he still couldn't help but feel some bitterness about their situation for his youngest brother's sake, but right now he was content. The human world had its happiness and he had his. A quiet, safe day with his family was a birthday gift in itself.

Dinnertime came and went uneventfully, and then it was time for cake and ice cream. Strawberry shortcake and vanilla ice cream weren't the most original, but it was a combination they could all agree on, and Leo wasn't particularly picky anyway. Splinter and Mikey had worked on the shortcake together, and it looked beyond delicious, overflowing with strawberry topping.

Following his brothers to the kitchen, Leonardo felt a jolt of nervousness. Night was already here. Just a few more hours and it would be time for bed. He'd been putting it off long enough already; it was either do it now, or miss the opportunity and possibly regret it forever.

He'd seen regret. He'd seen what happened when you tried to take control of your life too late. He'd seen the consequences of not standing up and taking your future into your own hands, and he'd seen a family suffer for it.

He wouldn't let the same thing happen to his family.

Raphael suddenly leaned over and skewered one of Don's strawberries with his fork.

Donatello protested, "Hey, the strawberries are my favorite part!" And proceeded to try to take one of Raph's strawberries in retaliation.

"Too slow, Donnie boy." Raph covered his piece of cake protectively, but he didn't notice Mikey's quick lunge with his fork until it was too late. "Hey!"

Having taken more than just a strawberry, Michelangelo made sure Raph saw just how big a piece of cake he had stolen before he popped it into his mouth. "Mmmmmm," he exaggerated.

"Ya little sneak!"

Having watched the whole thing, Leo suddenly had to turn away. He felt a strange sense of loss.

Things would change, he was sure of that. Would his brothers look at him the same? How hard was this going to be? Maybe not every change would be for the better, but at least he would know that he was trying his best to keep them all safe. Just knowing that could get him through anything. It would be enough.

Leo swallowed. He had to do it now.

He stood a little too quickly, almost overturning his chair, bringing attention to himself all the more abruptly. He could feel telltale heat flood his face but there was no going back now. Clenching his fists, he dug his nails into his palms to remind him of his determination.

"Sensei, I...I have something I want to say."

Four expectant faces were looking at him; Don curious, Raph still wearing a little annoyance, Mikey chewing his stolen mouthful of cake, Master Splinter attentive with a touch of concern.

Leonardo could feel his insides becoming butterflies, but he refused to just take a deep breath and then blurt his words out like an idiot. Instead he hastily folded into a respectfully deep bow, barely managing to avoid hitting his head on the table, and _then _he took a deep breath and blurted his words out like an idiot.

"I'm ready and I want to become leader!"

He was met with silence.

Why oh why hadn't the words come out a little more tactful and noble like he had planned? But the words were out there now, and though they rang true in his heart he still felt like cringing. It was only when he heard Master Splinter's voice did he dare to look up.

"Leonardo."

Leo saw that Master Splinter sat calmly, his eyes closed. All three of his brothers looked a little dazed, Mikey's fork actually frozen midway to his mouth with another bite of cake. He had thought for sure Raphael would give some sort of outburst, or at least look angry, but he only seemed as surprised as the others.

"If this is what you have decided," Splinter said, "Then we shall discover if it is to be so." He opened his eyes then, and his expression was far more serious than any Leo could remember him wearing.

He looked back at his father, determined not to let any uncertainty show in his eyes. "We shall."

* * *

To be continued! 

Sorry, I know it's used a lot, but I just had to include that famous Splinter line, "kids." I think it's cute. Heh. :) Anyway, thanks for reading and if you have the time, please let me know what you thought!


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